Kidnapping

   I wish I could get kidnapped. Honestly. I feel like that's a safe, guilt-free (not that I have any) way to get away from my house. House, because it's only a house, because homes are where people are happy. That's the most untrue about my 'house'. I told my brother's best friend(not the getting away from home thing, just the kidnapping thing that I told him was because I wanted to have an adrenaline rush), the one I'm in love with who almost doesn't realize I exist in that way, and he promised that he will 'kidnap' me with my brother sometime in the future. So in the way I wanted or not, he still gave me a promise.
 Do promises mean anything, though? That's the real question. My mom promises. My dad promises. My brother promises. My friends promises.
 I've been rejected. I've been a victim of broken promises, broken hearts. BPBH syndrome... I'm suffering from Broken Promises, Broken Hearts syndrome. Yes, I just made that up, but doesn't it feel like that? feel like we're sick in side, feel like we're dead inside, so why should be fight, for our lives?
  I wish I'd been kidnapped. I wish they'd take me away. I've written books, stories, novels, none of them published of course, because who could stand to read MY writing? But they're always about someone with nothing. Someone who I wish I could be, because I know they get a happy ending. I shape their future, I'm important.
  I also know that if I die, someone else could finish my sh!t. Or they could throw it in the trash and all my characters would lie, asleep, underneath a mound of trash and dirt in a landfill.
  But I"m tired of broken promises, because they always break my heart. And I need to cut myself again because I'm getting sentimental mushy gushy emotional right now, and I'm tired of being weak. I'm tired of not mattering, and at least if I was kidnapped, I'd know I  mattered enough to be snatched up. If someone killed me, I'd know I mattered enough to be killed, no matter the reason.